Sometimes I just want a little confirmation that I’m making good choices in parenting. It didn’t take me long into the adventure to realize there is no “one size fits all” method. It also didn’t take me long to realize that as soon as I thought I had figured out what works for a particular issue, things would change and I’d have to start looking again.
For the first several years of my children’s lives, I felt that I was “pouring in” and was not really sure what was sticking. I had a friend whose children were a few years ahead of mine who repeatedly encouraged me that I would begin to see evidence of those seeds sinking in and growing, particularly around the age of 5. That did prove to be true. However, I still find myself questioning certain things, most often related to discipline. When I come across others who parent differently, I often compare my strategies and wonder if I’m making mistakes. (There I go again, making comparisons…)
Last week I came across an article on discipline. It made me think a lot. The article expressed many views that I also have: good parenting balances law and grace, and parents are called to calmly hold up boundaries and enforce consequences (rather than nagging, threatening, or using anger to get results). However, I got a sense from the article that the author would handle moment-to-moment struggles with young children differently than I do (and that’s an entirely different post). I found myself asking, am I missing the boat here?
So, I thought through it for a while. I corresponded with a friend. And I did some more reading, while continuing to pray for help in figuring out how to parent these children, the ones God has given to me.
And this time, rather than continuing to question and compare, I found something different. By “rubbing up against” a potentially different method, I found that the strength of my belief in my own ways of teaching my children grew!! I found that I can learn from what someone else does while also having strengthened resolve in seeking God’s particular wisdom for parenting my children. Whew, what a relief.
This experience is helping me come up with a philosophy of sorts, a framework for parenting that takes into consideration my inclinations and my children’s personalities, what they respond to, what gets them excited.
Here is my list today.
1. Affirm regularly the strengths of each child.
“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.” 1 Thess. 5:11a
2. Maintain a training stance, and apply this differently than you would if only forcing submission. Parent to the heart. This might be applied by the following:
a. Allow chances to try again, practicing the right way. Focus on what TO do rather than just correcting. Remember, there were 10 plagues (God didn’t start with the harshest).
b. Enourage good words (and set the example). Ask questions to get at the heart behind the words.
c. Look for ways that involve your children in solving problems, rather than solving problems for them.
d. Teach responsibility.
e. Think about the ways that the Lord deals with your sin. He uses kindness to lead me to Himself.
f. And many others!
“Train up a child in the way he should go.” Proverbs 22:6
“Teach me to do your will, Lord. For you are my God. May your good Spirit lead me on level ground.” Psalm 143:10
“Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23
“But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.'” Matthew 15:18
3. Seek ways to show love (soft touch, kind words, disciplining without condemnation) to the child whose heart is not obedient.
“Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?” Romans 2:4
4. Don't be afraid to admit wrong. Practice repentance in front of your children, even if it is just correcting your own cranky voice.
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us of all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9
5. Manage your expectations, and know trouble will come. Don’t be surprised by sin in your children (or your own heart). Expect to need God.
“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.” 1 Peter 4:12
6. Maintain a cheerful heart (and not just when circumstances are pleasing).
“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but low spirits sap one’s strength.” Proverbs 17:22
7. Put on love (holiness), and walk by the Spirit.
“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” Ephesians4:22-24
“Walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” Galatians 5:15
8. In the morning (and throughout the day) ask for wisdom and grace, looking for God’s provision. In the evening, rest in Him, and rely on Him to water seeds, bring the harvest, and cover your mistakes. Trust His faithful character.
“Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness.” 2 Cor. 9:10
So, that's my list today. Tomorrow it will probably be amended.
No comments:
Post a Comment